1 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,700 I cannot believe this article 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,700 on tax shelters. 3 00:00:05,870 --> 00:00:08,270 It says the IRS will let you invest 4 00:00:05,870 --> 00:00:08,270 in anything... 5 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:14,740 ...from race horses to windmills 6 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:14,740 to bull semen. 7 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,050 I gave blood... 8 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,720 ...that's as far as it goes. 9 00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:34,190 Could we possibly talk about 10 00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:34,190 something other than bodily fluids? 11 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,930 Sure. Who's the bimbo in red? 12 00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:41,090 Her name is Sheila. 13 00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:41,090 She's new in the Records Department. 14 00:00:41,270 --> 00:00:44,710 And from what I understand, 15 00:00:41,270 --> 00:00:44,710 she's a pretty tough customer. 16 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,540 Say no more. 17 00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:49,080 She thinks you're a jerk. 18 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,510 We haven't even met. 19 00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:54,910 It's not a prerequisite. 20 00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:02,380 Sheila? 21 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,860 - Yes? 22 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,860 - Dan Fielding, assistant district attorney. 23 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:08,000 - Is there some kind of trouble, Mr. Fielding? 24 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:08,000 - No. Ha-ha-ha. 25 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,360 No, no, no. 26 00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:11,590 I heard you're new... 27 00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:16,540 ...and I was wondering if you would like 28 00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:16,540 to get the inside scoop from an old hand. 29 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,530 What is it you really want? 30 00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:24,270 Well, how about, say, dinner at Sardi's, 31 00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:24,270 maybe catch Bobbie Short at the Carlyle? 32 00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:27,880 I think all you're really interested in 33 00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:27,880 is sex. 34 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,720 I assure you that my intentions 35 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,720 are completely ethical. 36 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,560 I am emphatically not some 37 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,560 sort of a beast on the prowl... 38 00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:43,220 ...for meaningless, primitive sex. 39 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,590 Too bad. 40 00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:50,070 I respect honesty in a person. 41 00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:54,540 All I'm really interested in is sex. 42 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,340 You are spineless and desperate. 43 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,910 All the qualities I look for in a man. 44 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,680 Meet me at midnight. 45 00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:08,960 Midnight? Midnight. 46 00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:08,960 Yes, midnight, that's good. 47 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,890 Aren't you forgetting something? 48 00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:14,620 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 49 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,090 - My address? 50 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,090 - Yes, that too. 51 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:23,000 And don't be late. 52 00:02:23,740 --> 00:02:26,710 I punish for tardiness. 53 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,280 - So? 54 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,280 - Red or white wine? 55 00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:34,710 - To go with? 56 00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:34,710 - Humiliation. 57 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,720 - Red. 58 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,720 - Thought so. 59 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,190 Do you realize 60 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,190 how late I'm going to get to Sheila's? 61 00:03:28,670 --> 00:03:30,730 What's she gonna do, spank you? 62 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,170 Jealous? 63 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:43,280 Of a tawdry one-night stand? Please. 64 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,550 What's it gonna 65 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,550 leave you with tomorrow? 66 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,390 God forbid something lasting should develop. 67 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,390 What would you do then? 68 00:03:49,890 --> 00:03:51,860 Take these. 69 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,990 - What's next, Mac? 70 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,990 - Slotkin, Leonard. 71 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,860 Breaking and entering, 72 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,860 grand theft larceny. 73 00:03:59,370 --> 00:04:02,240 Where I come from, 74 00:03:59,370 --> 00:04:02,240 we don't have any courts or jails... 75 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,640 ...or police officers, or even any laws. 76 00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,900 Jersey. Been there. 77 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:10,240 Mr. Prosecutor. 78 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:13,210 Mr. Slotkin broke into 79 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:13,210 an electronics supply store... 80 00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:15,180 ...and stole $600 worth of equipment. 81 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:17,790 Tubes, transistors, cables, 82 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:17,790 that sort of thing. 83 00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:19,790 Well, Mr. Slotkin, hello, how are you? 84 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:23,320 I'm sick, I'm dying. 85 00:04:23,490 --> 00:04:24,790 I'm being slowly poisoned... 86 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,450 ...by the oxygen concentration 87 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,450 of your atmosphere. 88 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:32,920 Not an oxygen kind of guy, 89 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:32,920 eh, Mr. Slotkin? 90 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,230 I can take it for short periods of time... 91 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,770 ...but my system is used 92 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,770 to methane and ammonia. 93 00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:40,770 - He's from New Jersey. 94 00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:40,770 - I'm not from New Jersey! 95 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,670 I'm from Saturn. 96 00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:47,310 Aha. 97 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,780 You know, I had a john once 98 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,780 who claimed he was a Martian. 99 00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:54,720 Came down to Earth 100 00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:54,720 to conquer the human race, right? 101 00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:57,190 Convention. 102 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,620 Sir, my client has been examined 103 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,620 by a physician... 104 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,990 ...and found to be in perfect health. 105 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,130 Physically. 106 00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:11,570 Mr. Slotkin? 107 00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:14,600 Your medical technology is insufficient. 108 00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:18,580 My system is too complex 109 00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:18,580 for your archaic diagnostic tools. 110 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,940 He ate his stethoscope. 111 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,580 That's why I took 112 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,580 the electronics components. 113 00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:28,780 I am trying to fashion a transmitter 114 00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:28,780 so that I can call back home to Saturn. 115 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,120 That's all I want, judge. 116 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,120 I just wanna go home. 117 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,530 - I just wanna go home. 118 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,530 - Oh, let him go home. 119 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,860 - Send him back to Jersey. 120 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,860 - Yeah. 121 00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:41,300 Settle down, counsels. 122 00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:42,800 I'd like to grant a continuance... 123 00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:45,000 - ...pending a psychiatric evaluation. 124 00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:45,000 - Agreed. 125 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:48,300 Ready to beam him aboard, sir. Ha-ha-ha. 126 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,140 Continuance, it is. Next case. 127 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,510 Do you mean I'm going to 128 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,510 have to stay locked up? 129 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,980 No, you'll be in a medical facility, 130 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,980 Mr. Slotkin, not in jail. 131 00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,780 Wait. I don't think you understand. 132 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,260 I'm going to be dead within 48 hours 133 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,260 if I don't get back to Saturn. 134 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,660 You're just gonna have to trust me 135 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,660 on this one. You'll be fine. 136 00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:09,700 - Bull? 137 00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:09,700 - Can I get you anything, Mr. Slotkin? 138 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,390 - Coffee? Tea? 139 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,390 - My system is starved for ammonia. 140 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:17,230 Mop and Glo it is. 141 00:06:23,110 --> 00:06:24,810 Hurry up. 142 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,850 Keep your pants on, counselor. 143 00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:31,280 If I stay here, I'm gonna have to. 144 00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:33,950 Next case, Your Honor. 145 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,650 Endangered and attempted assault. 146 00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:42,090 Michel Fouquet v. everybody 147 00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:42,090 on I.R.T. Subway Car Number 3507. 148 00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:43,700 - Everybody? 149 00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:43,700 - Uh-huh. 150 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,300 Judge, 151 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,300 it was just a little misunderstanding. 152 00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:48,990 The plaintiff is here 153 00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:48,990 on vacation from France. 154 00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:52,830 He entered the 7th Avenue subway, 155 00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:52,830 asked the passengers for change of a dollar. 156 00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:57,740 These five commuters pulled these weapons 157 00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:57,740 and held him until the transit police arrived. 158 00:06:57,910 --> 00:06:59,510 We thought he was dangerous. 159 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,980 - We thought he was crazy. 160 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,980 - What did he do? 161 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,650 - He talked to us. 162 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,650 - Ah. 163 00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:10,420 Sir, if I might interject, 164 00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:10,420 these are not a gang of thugs. 165 00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,490 These are just ordinary citizens... 166 00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:16,190 ...influenced by the current paranoia 167 00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:16,190 about violence on the subways. 168 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,390 Basically, they're just good, 169 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,390 decent human beings. 170 00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:22,130 What is that thing? 171 00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:25,460 Surface-to-air missile, sir. 172 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,840 I see your point. 173 00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:31,000 Judge, it wasn't loaded. 174 00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:33,480 I was just using it for intimidation. 175 00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:37,620 People, people, people, 176 00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:37,620 now, I understand your fears... 177 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,420 ...but don't you see 178 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,420 you are contributing to the problem? 179 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:44,250 You are escalating the tension 180 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:44,250 that threatens to tear at the very fabric... 181 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:48,060 ...that binds us together 182 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:48,060 as civilized human beings. 183 00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:52,500 - What I'm trying to say is that-- 184 00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:52,500 - We don't get the guns back? 185 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,870 No, you don't get the guns back. 186 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,840 They will stay here as evidence 187 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,840 and I hope they're confiscated permanently. 188 00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:03,600 Now, as for Monsieur Fouquet... 189 00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,840 ...I hope that you can still enjoy 190 00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,840 this city of ours... 191 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,980 ...with its diversity and its energy, its-- 192 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,420 Couldn't afford the Bahamas, could you? 193 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,900 All right, now. Everybody, just stay calm. 194 00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:33,270 - Are there bullets in that thing? 195 00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:33,270 - No. 196 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,340 - Are you sure? 197 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,340 - No. 198 00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:39,850 Put those guns away. Now! 199 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:46,110 So, hi, Mr. Slotkin. 200 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:48,980 - Good to see you again. 201 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:48,980 - Hello. 202 00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,990 Well, what seems to be the problem? 203 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:53,790 Problem? 204 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,200 Well, yeah, the chasing, 205 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,200 the screaming, the gun. 206 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,560 Oh, that. 207 00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:04,660 Mr. Slotkin, now, I know 208 00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:04,660 you're a reasonable human being-- 209 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,000 I'm not a human being! 210 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,700 Right, I forgot. 211 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,340 - I have demands. 212 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,340 - Shoot. 213 00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:12,680 Oh, God, please, no, no. 214 00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:17,410 Come on, Dan. Even he knew 215 00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:17,410 what I meant and he's crazy. 216 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,080 - Thank you. 217 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,080 - You're welcome. 218 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,350 I want parts to fashion a transmitter 219 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,350 so I can contact my people. 220 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,790 I have a list. Here. 221 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,230 - Mac. 222 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,230 - Yeah, I'll get right on it, sir. 223 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,930 Though I think 224 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,930 we may be out of plutonium. 225 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,970 You can substitute Spam. 226 00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,370 Got it. 227 00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,100 And I need sustenance. 228 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,740 Bull, get him whatever he wants. 229 00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:43,000 What kind of sustenance? 230 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,440 Nitrogen, phosphorous, magnesium, zinc. 231 00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:48,710 Relish? 232 00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:50,840 On the side. 233 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,250 Alrighty. 234 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,420 Mr. Slotkin, I want everyone else 235 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,420 in the courtroom to go. 236 00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:00,820 I'm sorry, I can't do that. 237 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,060 Trust me. They'll be all right. 238 00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:04,700 Why should I trust you? 239 00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:07,430 All right. 240 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:12,560 As a gesture of goodwill, 241 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:12,560 I'll let one of these two go. 242 00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,440 - Good luck. 243 00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,440 - Dan. 244 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,650 I am young. 245 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,650 I have got my entire life in front of me. 246 00:10:19,810 --> 00:10:22,010 I'll let the lady go. 247 00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:25,390 You can forget the 10 bucks I owe you. 248 00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:28,550 Don't worry. 249 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:29,850 If I shoot you... 250 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:33,830 ...I'll resurrect you with a couple 251 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:33,830 of paper clips and a candle. 252 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,190 I'm looking forward to that. 253 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,830 If there were only something else 254 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,830 we can do. 255 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,530 Why can't we find anyone 256 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,530 who can talk sense to him? 257 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:47,470 A friend, a relative, 258 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:47,470 anyone who can communicate with him. 259 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,170 There's a guy from Neptune in holding. 260 00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:54,380 You're right. Language problem. 261 00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:01,410 Christine. 262 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:14,030 In case I don't make it out of here, 263 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:14,030 there's something I think you should know. 264 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,740 I have undressed you in my mind... 265 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:29,240 ...every night 266 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:29,240 since the second I laid eyes on you. 267 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:33,820 And I think we would have been 268 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:33,820 incredible together. 269 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,620 Harry's promised me your parking space. 270 00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:46,590 Hi. 271 00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:49,570 - Somebody call for the A-Team? 272 00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:49,570 - I beg your pardon? 273 00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:51,870 It was a joke. 274 00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:56,100 I'm just not very funny, that's all. 275 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,470 I'm Judge Stone. 276 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,910 Commander Tucker, emergency services. 277 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,640 - Where do you want the snipers? 278 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,640 - Snipers? 279 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:06,410 Isn't there a chance you're gonna hit 280 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:06,410 one of the hostages? 281 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,360 What's your point? 282 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,390 I would like to settle 283 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,390 this matter nonviolently, if possible. 284 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,390 Your Honor, there's a lunatic in there. 285 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:18,470 And my statistics show that he's gonna 286 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:18,470 open fire within the next 20 minutes. 287 00:12:18,630 --> 00:12:21,630 Well, maybe I should go in 288 00:12:18,630 --> 00:12:21,630 and talk to him myself. 289 00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:27,910 - Phil, how many body bags we have? 290 00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:27,910 - Should I bring the food in now? 291 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:31,070 Hey, I saw something 292 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:31,070 on 60 Minutes once... 293 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,110 ...where the hostage negotiating team 294 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,110 drugged the food... 295 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,380 ...before they took it in to the terrorists. 296 00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:40,780 60 Minutes? 297 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,220 Never heard of it. 298 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,690 It's on opposite Punky Brewster. 299 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,490 Oh, well, no wonder. 300 00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:51,600 Listen, can we drug the food? 301 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,790 - Sure, we do it all the time. 302 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,790 - Great. 303 00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:57,340 Come on, Phil, 304 00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:57,340 let's break out the needles. 305 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:02,030 Now, whatever you do, 306 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:02,030 don't try this at home. 307 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:04,970 That was a joke. 308 00:13:07,450 --> 00:13:09,420 They hate me. I can tell. 309 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:20,290 Mr. Slotkin, I brought you the nitrogen, 310 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:20,290 magnesium and phosphorous. 311 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,360 Being from Saturn, 312 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,360 you're probably not familiar... 313 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,630 ...with the Earth forms 314 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,630 of these substances. 315 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,940 - Where's my scratch game? 316 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,940 - Bye. 317 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,240 Are you gonna eat both of those? 318 00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:40,740 Go ahead. 319 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,280 I'm starving. 320 00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:47,420 Hmm. 321 00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:51,480 You gonna eat or what? 322 00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:55,190 I just wanna see 323 00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:55,190 what's going to happen to you. 324 00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:56,960 What are you talking about? 325 00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:59,860 I just wanna see if they drugged the food. 326 00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:06,300 Don't you ever watch 60 Minutes? 327 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:23,580 Mr. Slotkin? 328 00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:27,390 Mr. Slotkin, I just wanna help you. 329 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,060 Is there anyone we can call, 330 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,060 your wife or your parents? 331 00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:32,670 No, I'm not married. 332 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,740 - Parents moved to the old neighborhood. 333 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,740 - The old neighborhood. 334 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:39,270 Way out on the seventh moon of Saturn. 335 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:39,270 That's where I grew up. 336 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:44,070 It was just our family and two others 337 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:44,070 on this barren, lifeless sphere of ice. 338 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,980 - How about yourself? 339 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,980 - Buffalo. 340 00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:48,910 Oh, my God. 341 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,780 Yeah, but I miss it sometimes. 342 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,480 I know what you mean. I miss the rings. 343 00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:59,420 - The rings? 344 00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:59,420 - Oh, they're beautiful. 345 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:03,260 Sometimes when the sun hits them 346 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:03,260 just right... 347 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:07,370 ...the whole sky sparkles 348 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:07,370 with these vibrant colors. 349 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,200 Sounds wonderful. 350 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,610 Oh. It is. 351 00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:15,510 You know, up on this place Saturn... 352 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:20,580 ...well, there's no war, 353 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:20,580 there's no poverty, and there's no hunger. 354 00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,380 Is that right, Mr. Slotkin? 355 00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:26,150 Absolutely. 356 00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:26,150 We solved those problems eons ago. 357 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,450 Sir, do you realize 358 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,450 that instead of fighting... 359 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,650 ...they solve global disputes 360 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,650 with bowling tournaments? 361 00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:36,330 Well, I can't confirm that. 362 00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,290 Well, what's so strange about that? 363 00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:42,230 I mean, look at the way 364 00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:42,230 you still do things down here. 365 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,000 I mean, you take any opportunity 366 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,000 to murder each other... 367 00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:49,610 ...you tear down your forests, 368 00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:49,610 you poison your streams. 369 00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:54,550 On my planet, everything grows. 370 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,710 We have no violence, no oppression. 371 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:01,880 No famine, no cruelty, no hatred. 372 00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:04,360 - You've been there. 373 00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:04,360 - No. 374 00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,960 But I can imagine it. 375 00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:09,290 Most of us can imagine it. 376 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:14,230 Some of us want it so bad 377 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:14,230 that when we can't find it here... 378 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,030 ...we imagine it someplace else. 379 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,840 What are you talking about? 380 00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:23,500 You're describing utopia, Mr. Slotkin. 381 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,510 That is an ideal place. 382 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,450 Men have been looking for it 383 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,450 since the beginning of time. 384 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:32,020 But it doesn't exist here. 385 00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:34,820 Sometimes I wonder 386 00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:34,820 if it exists anywhere. 387 00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:36,360 Oh, it exists, all right. 388 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,490 Believe me. I've been there. 389 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:41,250 - I'll vouch for him on that. 390 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:41,250 - Dan. 391 00:16:42,130 --> 00:16:45,220 I love you, Harry. 392 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,330 Thank you, Dan. 393 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,030 - What a fruitcake, huh? 394 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,030 - Mr. Slotkin... 395 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,440 ...please, give me the gun. 396 00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,800 - No, you stay away from me. 397 00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,800 - Mr. Slotkin. 398 00:16:55,380 --> 00:17:00,410 If I had my life to live over again, 399 00:16:55,380 --> 00:17:00,410 I would live it as a blond. 400 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:05,410 Please, don't make me restrain you. 401 00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:07,920 Oh, that's all you people ever do. 402 00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:12,250 You think of new reasons 403 00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:12,250 for using violence. 404 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:15,490 You just get people out of the way 405 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:15,490 if they step out of line. 406 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,960 That's all your species understands. 407 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,530 I mean, God forbid... 408 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:25,260 ...you should actually listen to somebody 409 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:25,260 if they're different. 410 00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:29,380 I'd like to place a collect call, please. 411 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,550 Is he--? 412 00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,580 Well, that was refreshing. 413 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,890 Where's the gun? 414 00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:50,590 This is the city. 415 00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:53,920 My name is Fielding. 416 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,630 - I'm a cop. 417 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,630 - What happened? 418 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:01,070 - Everything's under control. 419 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:01,070 - The lights went out in the building. 420 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,970 Yeah, must've blown a fuse 421 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,970 when he turned the thing on. 422 00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,480 It wasn't a fuse. 423 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,950 It was my people. 424 00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:13,250 You see any of them here? 425 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:15,650 No, they're not here. 426 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:18,620 But suffice it to say 427 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:18,620 that they have healed me. 428 00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:21,230 They effected a large-scale 429 00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:21,230 transference of energy... 430 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,330 ...which repaired my malfunctioning 431 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,330 Earth adaptation devices. 432 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,560 Mr. Slotkin, 433 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,560 are you sure you feel all right? 434 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:30,470 Oh, yes. I'm fit as a yefgotrod. 435 00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:33,770 You look it. 436 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,270 Somebody here called for a pick up? 437 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,640 Yeah, the guy in the plaid jacket there 438 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,640 is from Saturn. 439 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:42,080 - That's strange. 440 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:42,080 - You kidding. 441 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:46,240 Yeah, they usually come in the spring 442 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:46,240 when the planet makes its closest approach. 443 00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:47,910 Come on, Al. 444 00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:49,920 Your Honor. 445 00:18:50,890 --> 00:18:51,920 Greetings. 446 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,360 As a representative 447 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,360 from our Earth's government... 448 00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:59,090 ...we invite you to join us on a tour 449 00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:59,090 of one of our native medical institutions. 450 00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:02,170 We feel it will be beneficial 451 00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:02,170 to both our peoples... 452 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:05,500 ...and will help to promote 453 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:05,500 a mutual trust and harmony... 454 00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,540 ...between our two worlds. 455 00:19:08,910 --> 00:19:10,940 Thank you. 456 00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:14,080 Thank you very much. 457 00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:16,550 I'd be honored. 458 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,690 Beats the hell out of wrestling them 459 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,690 to the ground. 460 00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:22,120 Judge. 461 00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:25,380 I want you to know that I respect you. 462 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,590 And I even like you. 463 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,660 But I hope you won't be hurt too much... 464 00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:32,560 ...when you realize 465 00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:32,560 that you're finally doomed. 466 00:19:33,530 --> 00:19:35,830 Oh, I don't know, Mr. Slotkin. 467 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,230 Some of us still have hope. 468 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:42,170 Me, I've got a feeling that someday 469 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:42,170 we're all gonna come together... 470 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:47,280 ...and we're gonna figure out a way 471 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:47,280 to make this fragile little world of ours... 472 00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:49,880 ...a really wonderful place to live. 473 00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:56,850 That's crazy. 474 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:11,000 - Where's Dan? 475 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:11,000 - Over there, licking the floor. 476 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,670 Dan? 477 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,940 Ready? 478 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,810 I'll be waiting outside. 479 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,190 And they say romance is dead. 480 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,910 Oh, I forgot. 481 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,910 How did it go last night, Dan? 482 00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:56,550 Mac, Mac, Mac. 483 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,880 I have no idea. 484 00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:01,890 I think I blacked out at the curb. 485 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,120 Well, you gave it your best shot. 486 00:21:04,290 --> 00:21:05,820 Dan. 487 00:21:05,990 --> 00:21:07,050 Oh, Sheila. 488 00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:08,490 Um.... 489 00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:10,990 About last night-- 490 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,760 Oh, you magnificent beast, you. 491 00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:16,130 I'm still trying to catch my breath. 492 00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,240 You were incredible. 493 00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:20,900 I was? 494 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:26,480 Oh, I mean-- 495 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:26,480 I mean, it was nice, wasn't it? 496 00:21:26,650 --> 00:21:29,450 Aren't you being just a bit modest? 497 00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:32,520 Well, maybe a bit. Heh. 498 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,280 So how about tonight? 499 00:21:36,260 --> 00:21:40,520 We'll never be able to top last night. 500 00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:45,230 Let's not spoil it by trying. 501 00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:51,570 Let's spoil it. 502 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,610 I remember... 503 00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,210 ...a catcher's mitt. 504 00:22:06,890 --> 00:22:10,090 The latest breaking 505 00:22:06,890 --> 00:22:10,090 news, four killed in Queens shooting spree... 506 00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,820 ...a family freezes to death, 507 00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,820 and on a lighter note... 508 00:22:12,990 --> 00:22:15,960 ...three million gallons of sewage 509 00:22:12,990 --> 00:22:15,960 spills into the Hudson River. 510 00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:19,160 We'll be right back after this message. 511 00:22:19,430 --> 00:22:21,700 - What's new? 512 00:22:19,430 --> 00:22:21,700 - Murder and mayhem. 513 00:22:21,870 --> 00:22:23,130 What's new with you? 514 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,000 There's brown stuff coming out 515 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,000 of the drinking fountain. 516 00:22:27,610 --> 00:22:28,970 - We're ready. 517 00:22:27,610 --> 00:22:28,970 - I'll be there. 518 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:31,040 Okay. 519 00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:36,710 And on a local note, 520 00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:36,710 last night's mysterious blackout... 521 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,250 ...which affected one square mile 522 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,250 of Manhattan... 523 00:22:39,420 --> 00:22:41,720 ...is still resisting any easy explanation. 524 00:22:41,890 --> 00:22:44,420 Con Ed said there was no indication 525 00:22:41,890 --> 00:22:44,420 of any malfunction. 526 00:22:44,590 --> 00:22:47,760 A spokesman commented, 527 00:22:44,590 --> 00:22:47,760 "It was like some appliance was hooked up... 528 00:22:47,930 --> 00:22:51,260 ...and just sucked all of the energy 529 00:22:47,930 --> 00:22:51,260 out of the system for a couple of seconds." 530 00:22:51,430 --> 00:22:54,730 Heh-heh. A UFO, I guess.